I have the flu.
Right now, I’m supposed to be on a plane headed to a mini vacation at the Oregon coast with the man I love.
Instead, I’m in bed, haven’t showered in three days, and barely got in two days of work this week.
I’m disappointed at missing my vacation weekend, though we rescheduled for March. It cost me over $200 to change the flight, which I’m still a little bitter about, considering I bought the tickets on sale back in November thinking that planning ahead would save me money.
Here’s the thing, though… When I tell people I have the flu, they immediately expect that I’m going to drop everything and go to bed. Friends and family have offered to pick my kids up from school and to bring me food.
And I’m quite literally not capable of sitting upright long enough to work at my computer. I’m in bed with my phone and my tablet, binge-watching movies on Netflix and scanning Instagram because I can’t do much else.
And that’s actually an amazingly wonderful, necessary thing.
My kids are gone for the weekend, and normally I’d have a long list of tasks for myself to do with any time I get home alone: clean out closets, finish taxes, work on a mile-long list of projects I feel compelled to do.
And because I have the flu, I can’t do any of it. No guilt. No expectations. Just multiple days in bed with no expectations.
Today I even started to feel bored! I have missed that feeling!
I’ve been pushing myself hard lately. I’ve been stressed out and unhappy for months. I have been struggling and have been trying to pull myself up and out.
I’m trying to figure out what things are really worth my time, what I can let go of so I have time for what matters to me.
Somehow, laying here with a fever and chills, hopped up on flu medicine, I’m feeling like this was exactly the break my mind and body needed so that I can start fresh in a new way, and take better care of myself. I feel like I can conquer the world.
Even better – I don’t even have to start trying until after I’ve laid here in a quiet house, sleeping as much as my body can sleep, for another couple days.
I can do this.
Good night.