I spent my first Christmas Eve home alone when my kids were 6 and 8, and my first Christmas Day alone the following year.
I never could have imagined that my kids would be having Christmas without me before they were grown, that my holidays with them would be determined by a judge.
But as a newly divorced mom of two, that’s where I found myself, sending my kids off with their dad knowing I was missing out on a family meal I’d attended for the seventeen years prior. I was no longer part of that family, but my kids were. My divorce felt like a rejection, and that first holiday alone, the rejection cut deep, but regardless, I want my kids to have strong relationships with their grandparents and all the aunties and uncles and cousins.
I had a good cry after they left. In those days, when we were still getting used to a custody schedule, having a good cry after the kids left was a pretty regular part of the routine.
Then I made the decision to use the time alone as best I could. I watched a movie and sorted the mail. I went on a walk and looked at Christmas lights as a light snow began to fall. I found a house with a for sale sign that I called and looked at a few days later. I couldn’t afford it, but it kicked off the house search that lead us to the house we’re in and love now.
And then the kids came home. They had a good evening. They were happy. And that was what I needed to see.
I needed to make sure they saw that I was okay too.
If you’re experiencing your first holiday alone, know that it does get easier.
1. Look for opportunities to maintain the traditions that are most important to you, allowing for some wiggle room on when they happen. I can still have all the traditions I want for my kids; some years, though, we may be opening stocking gifts on December 23 or on December 26. The day doesn’t matter so much as the experience.
2. Let the kids have their time with other family as something to enjoy. Don’t complain or let them see you upset. Allow them to have a joyous holiday without guilt.
3. When you know you’ll be alone, plan something you can look forward to. A good meal and a movie. A carton of ice cream. Time with a good book. Or, one of my favorites, a good long sleep. Take care of yourself, so that when your kids are home, you are better able to take care of them.
Merry Christmas.